Brain Pain!

Sad to say, but I am succumbing to complete overload with what is to come.  I feel my life has been turned upside down, inside out and back to front.  Will things ever be normal again?  And if they are, for how long?  There are just too many ‘what-if’s’ for me to cope with.  I feel myself withdrawing  bit by bit, not wanting to be a part of anything.  This just isn’t me.  I have always been up for anything – but now I am questioning whether I am going to be able to do things.  Stupid things, like taking our daughter donutting last Saturday?  I was struggling to get back up the slope and questioning whether I should be doing it or not!  How sad is that? 

And this is when I have to kick-butt and KICK HARD!  Today it’s just been hard.

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New hip here I come!

My meeting with Mr Witt went very well although I think I would have preferred the outcome to go something like “There is nothing wrong with your hips, you don’t need surgery so go away and continue with your running”.  Sadly it wasn’t quite like that.  It sort of went “You have severe dysplasia and so we need to do a PAO, but firstly, I will do an arthroscopy to tidy up any damage to the cartilage etc. etc.”  So I am booked for the arthroscopy on 22nd April, and then my LPAO will follow on the 20th May – yikes! Whoa!  All going a bit too fast for my tiny little brain.  I asked some important questions but forgot the ones about what happens if I don’t have the PAO, or what are the downsides, if any to it, so I have asked his secretary to ask him to let me know!  Your brain just goes mushy when you are discussing these things.  I think I was shocked that I was now looking at two ops, not one and within the space of three weeks, but I am also relieved as I feel that I am seeing light at the end of a very long tunnel.  Bit like the A3 tunnel that is being constructed pretty much on our doorstep – a long process to getting it started, desparately in need of being done, and hopefully when completed will solve alot of problems.  It is supposed to be completed 2011 in time for the Olympics in 2012 – I am planning on being way ahead of it on that score!).

No longer scared – just glad it is all booked and the countdown has started.

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Scared? Yes I am!

Well, tomorrow I am off to see Mr Witt and thanks to many ladies on the hipwomen yahoo group and also to Hobbling Helly’s Weblog, I am armed with a list of questions which is almost too heavy to carry, and what with the xrays, mri’s, dvd to carry as well, I might also be looking at shoulder surgery!  To say that I am grateful for getting to know all those who have been in contact with me over the past few days, is an understatement.  I know now that there are others out there who are in the same boat and that I am not on my own, which is how I have felt since my diagnosis.  And I have also realised how lucky I have been, so far, not to have suffered anything like the pain that some ladies have talked about.   I can only wish them success in their operations and hopefully a pain free future.

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